Who is the Monkey?

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Working at a Chinese based/managed company in the United States definitely has its special moments, I mean, how can you break it to a communist CEO that there are actual employment regulations? Honestly, I sort of just got offered this position... but, from hiring, negotiating, reprimanding, firing, investigations, surviving HR in a shady company, dropping at least 5 F-bombs on a solicitor's call, going through boxes of tissue for crying employees, to arguing with management why "pretty" receptionists don't necessarily mean "smart" receptionists... I've done it... and somehow, I'm still laughing.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Interviews and Other Such Oddities


I think one of the greatest things about being in HR is the opportunity to meet people. I especially get a great kick out of meeting those that are... let's just say... "special".

Here are some of those characters, which you may have met if you work in HR. Being that I am in Los Angeles, I'm sure that some of these may come off odd.

I suppose this may be a laugh, or at the very least, pointers if you are the interviewee...


  1. "McSweaty" : Ok, look. I know you're nervous, or maybe you just have naturally sweaty palms - NO PROBLEM! For goodness' sake, at least wipe your hands before shaking mine! It's bad enough that you have that "Oh-My-Palms-Are-Sweaty" look, it's worst when you allow me to touch them!
  2. "HairDooDoo": I like the Cure. As a matter of fact, I like a lot of bands whose members don't own combs, but those guys aren't usually looking for jobs. Unless you accidentally stuck your finger in an electric socket and made it on time for your interview... brush your damn hair!
  3. "Desperado": There's nothing better than enthusiasm! Sometimes, people don't realize - when in an interview, there is a fine line between enthusiasm and DESPERATION. The next time someone tells me they'd, 'REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLLLLLLY like to work for the company', I'm going to ask them to bark like a dog.
  4. "BLING!": Perhaps the photo of "Pussy Power" is a little bit too much, but do you get the idea though? There's something to be said for simple jewelry in an interview. When my eyes keep staring at your earrings, and I'm wondering, "how in the hell can your lobes accommodate for that travesty?", then there's something wrong.
  5. "Boob Lady": Boob Lady is the kind of woman who... likes her boobs. So much so, she wants everyone to know it. Perhaps she's unaware that staring at someone's breasts can be a cause for sexual harassment, or perhaps she's just prepping up for that big lawsuit!
  6. "Oh My Eyes!!!': The only thing worse than a 10 in' decollage is a woman who looks like a clown in a suit. There is such a thing as "enough", and when you have to run to the make-up counter to buy mascara every 4 days - there's a BIG problem.
  7. "Ruffled": Around 400BC, irons were in use to create pleats, and electric irons were invented in the 1880s. Please, use this great device, or at least purchase a mirror.
  8. "Senor Douche": 30+ years of experience in the corporate world, ivy league graduate, knows proper business etiquette in 20 different countries, has been the top dog multiple times in multiple Fortune 500 companies... guess what? You're still a douchebag... and quit interrupting me when I talk asshole!
  9. "Cattle Called": THIS is my Los Angeles favorite. I once had an interview and asked the candidate, "How do you handle stress, or stressed associates?" (this position was to work with a VERY stressed out Finance Director) - the answer/question I received was, "What's my motivation?". ACTORS - enough said!